I must have had a lot of karma to serve.

My mother, and my father and all of the complaints that could be made. And then the love of my life and then our child and all of the time I have spent doing this on my own.

Then humanity and all of the other human beings. We are all so … fickle. One minute we are fine and then the next we are downing a bottle of this and smoking a pack of that and just literally mentally suffering.

Some mentally suffer silently. And some so loud.

Everyone tells me what a great mother I am and I feel I am doing what any mother should do.

Many times I feel like I want to do so much more,

And then I do it, I give up this and I give up that and I push myself more and more.

And the other humans are still trash.

Are we fated to suffer?

Are we in some sort of punishment, that is the only thing that could make sense.

I am being punished, and the more good I am the more rewarded I am, but punishment is the norm.

And there is absolutely nothing I can do about it, but submit, or rebel only to be punished more severely eventually.

The whole loss of memories is the absolute worst though, for sure..

And what makes it worse is we seem to have some sort of time to serve with those among us. You can not get away from them. They do not die quickly enough, you just have to wait it out or move.

I’m starting to think this town makes people crazy.

I no longer know what to believe in. Christianity gets you through but they are just as blind as everyone else. And why do I have to need someone or something to survive. This feels more like manipulation than anything else. I must have been a ginormous manipulator in the past life, or maybe I was punished for no reason at all. Energy, and portals and all of this. Things they are all so afraid of. Things with your worst nightmares behind them. A planet fated to suffer. And all I keep thinking is how I created another human being for them to punish as well. I hate this world. I hate this life. I hate these men, and even some of the women are terrible. Everything is set to self destruct. What the heck kind of game is being played here? What horror, is our everyday life. We’re all just waiting to die?

Either that or you work your time off. Put all of your pain and suffering into slavery, there is no other option, not today, not right now, and no nobody is going to save you. All of the music and movies are trash. Only encouraging you to create more babies, to suffer more, and to be even more impoverished than we were before. This world is lost, show me the door.

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